It was a nightmare inning
A cool breeze was blowing
From the bleachers down
To the mound as he was throwing

"A beautiful evening"
The heads were both saying
A beautiful setting
For a beautiful beating
It was a beautiful night

Another awful outing
For Darvish, it was slipping
Away from him from
The very beginning

He didn't have his stuff
He didn't want it enough
Word was out that
He wasn't mentally tough
It was written in the dirt

The third pitch that he threw
Hung there for a few
And Springer doubled
To left right on cue

He scored on an error
Oh, the horror, the terror
I screamed that life's only
Unfair and unfairer
We were only down one

I drank Jack and Coke
Inhaled smoke after smoke
I squeezed the remote
With such force that it broke

It was only one run
But it felt more like ten
And when Bregman then scored
It felt like ten again
It was still the first inning

It was a fitting ending
To a season pretending
That last season's portents
Would not be portending

We thought we could escape it
Or at least transcend it
We thought we could blast it
Or maybe we could bend it
But we only knew what it wasn't

It's true we came out swinging
In the bottom of the inning
But everyone sensed
There'd be no winning

For the team, for our city
For there was something missing
And the nightmare inning
Was both ending and beginning
I drank another Jack and Coke

Pull him out, I was shouting
But Roberts wasn't listening
When Darvish walked McCann
To start the second inning

Then when Gonzalez doubled
And Roberts was still untroubled
I was no longer shouting
But just merely mumbled
Oh, my god, the fix is in

Was he tipping his throws
Was he tapping his toes
As he threw his pitches
To the mighty Astros

Was it something subtler
When he threw his cutter
Which usually cut
Like a knife cuts through butter
Was it written in the stars

Another nightmare inning
Even the pitcher was swinging
An RBI dribbler
Made it three to nothing

Now the face of blue murder
Stalked down the corridor
Springer again
At the top of the order
Looking like the great god of swat

"The great god of stutter"
I heard myself mutter
As he took the first ball
And then took another

I hoped he'd get hit
By an epileptic fit
I wished that he'd just
Give it up and quit
We all sensed what was coming

I didn't wish him ill
But I didn't wish him well
I wished that he'd get spun
By a dizzy spell

Or that he'd temporarily
Forget how to see
Forget how to walk
And forget how to swing
I was hoping for an intervention

Darvish was behind his man
After those two in the sand
But then he threw a strike
Which Springer let stand

The two shot the bull
Till the count was full
And though one was bluffing
They both played it cool
You can guess who was who

He looked at the bench
Then went into his stretch
I closed one eye
As he released his pitch

A fat floating fastball
Like a gift from the fall
To all the Astros fans
And to Springer most of all
Wrapped up in a bow

And he unloaded on it
He exploded on it
And it went flying over
Taylor's outstretched mitt

As he rounded the bases
Measuring his paces
You could see victory
Light up all those faces
And poor Darvish was done

There was now no question
That like a lame-duck session
The game would go on
Without any tension

We put one on the board
But don't ask me how we scored
Don't ask me unless
You want to be ignored
I drank my last Jack and Coke

To the game as it closes
To the Bonds and the Sosas
To the Shoeless Joes
And to the Peter Roses

To Mr. Bobby Euker
And to that Johnny Rocker
Here's to Satchel Paige
And Moses Walker
Fidel Castro and Marge Schott

Here's to Lefty O'Doul
And to Chief Wahoo
To the Baby Ruth floating
In the swimming pool

And to that Astros team
Who won good and clean
On that November night
Up in Chavez Ravine
Here's to a sport and a pastime